What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:27
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What did i know ?
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why are American university students fine with sharing a room?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
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Why did i forgive my father ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why did my crush like me for only two days in a row?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
How do you get people to follow your Quora Space?
As i do to all so called friends.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
It has been said that people with ADHD can often hyperfocus. Can that be an advantage?
Especially a lifetime of it.
She loved him until the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So whats the point in blame.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was scared of men, in general
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So, i spoilt her more .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I have no regrets .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When she asked me how she looked .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was seconnd youngest,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We all went to grammer schools
She wouldn,t have been !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Who then, do I blame.?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ive learnt so much.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I could never make a relationship work though!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I waited trembling.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Im still living with it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We were not on the streets..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Comes on , in middle age.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I think the readers, may guess!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Would this be the day?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
All the time i was locked up.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I don,t even have a pension.
Put me off passion for life!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I write beautiful poetry .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I will be 64.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My family never makes their pension either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
This is soul school!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was very sick at this time too.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I said to her
She was in good health!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It was going to be , some day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was 9 years of age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.